Captivated

i know there's still 1 more month...but knowing that you're leaving for japan first on the 20th, I'm starting to MISS YOU ALREADY. Do you know you're my little rock? God is my big rock. You are my little one. I feel lost, that you're not going to be by my side for 10 months. i'm expecting the torrent of tears... the sudden realization that you're gone. these few days have not been easy... trying to prepare my heart, but it is a struggle... getting emotional... tearing up even over dinner... the little things... even finding time together is so hard with our individual committments over the holidays. each day we're together, i can't bear to leave you at the end of it.... counting down the days... I'm scared... so scared when i see the year ahead of me. so daunting. so many changes. so many people are gone.

and YOU'RE LEAVING... 6 days earlier than the original plan... that means 1 week less. gosh. selfish as it seems, I wish the world would disappear just for a moment... just for a while.... so i can hold you in my arms and listen to the slow beating of your heart...just for that moment.... and i'm so thankful that God has been so sweet...I LOVE YOU. As for now... recapturing our dates and making new memories have been MAGICAL...

all those times.. cruising in your car...

2004: my sweet 20 at Fullerton & Esplanade

2005: Your 22nd Birthday @ Oriental

2005 Christmas
2006: 4 year anniversary at Chijmes

2006 - keeping me company while i mug @ law lib

2006: double date -- bowling at marina

I carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)

i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear

no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet) i want

no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

~ ~

e.e cummings